Think.

I had some trouble sleeping last night. Wasn’t the first time that it happened here in Ithaca, but it definitely got me thinking. Well, thinking is something that I do a lot of and it takes up way too much of my time. I spend too much time on thinking and deliberating (sometimes it turns into daydreaming) than actually acting on what I’m thinking about.

That makes me a think-a-lot-but-no-action kind of guy.

So anyway, I resorted to counting sheep and it worked! Well, at least I think it did because I remember counting to about 99 and it kind of stopped there. Maybe I got lazy and didn’t make it past a hundred, and then started thinking about other stuff or maybe I really fell asleep there at 99. It gets a little fuzzy from there.

But today I woke up feeling like I worry too much. I don’t deny that, because I know I do worry a lot. And it’s not usually a problem. Though now I think it has become a problem, thinking about it on hindsight.

I’m putting things into perspective here. The past seven weeks haven’t been perfect, though I’m getting the impression that people think it has been from my blog, emails and chats. Maybe I give that impression to you guys unknowingly – wanting everyone to think that I’m having a great time here. And I think that that’s because that’s me. I give the impression that I’m a very tolerant guy, mild and able to take it all in my stride. That’s how I have lived my life for as long as I can remember, I think. Maybe that’s also how I am, that I don’t open up much of what is going on inside. A lot of what goes on inside is not portrayed on the outside and if I don’t share it, nobody would know.

So, now I think about all the people who know me and how long they have known me and how well they know me.

To be honest, there is a lot going on inside. And I’m afraid it may just explode into something manic and uncontrollable one day.

As an after thought, and this is not intentional, I used “think” eleven times in total.

It’s time to choose the specialization for the next two years in SCI.

I’ve already submitted my choice as Journalism, followed by Electronic & Broadcast Media. It’s funny how right now, I don’t think I want to work in Singapore anymore. I think that’s what being on exchange does to you. You see the world, and you know you just want to be out there for a long long time to come.

Yes, there are things that I have come to appreciate about Singapore and I regret that I have taken these things for granted in the past. But personally, if I were to continue in the field of communications, it is a very limited job scope available out there in the market. With a journalism degree, the largest employer would be either Mediacorp or Singapore Press Holdings, both of which are government-linked. I see where it all leads to.

Interest or practicality. I don’t know which to choose.

The problem with Singapore’s university education is that it does not cater to a wide range of people. Yes, you can do that with the primary, secondary and junior college education but not with university. If not, there is no diversity and every graduate that is churned out is merely the exact same model of the other. We are not factory products on a conveyor belt. At least I don’t want to be.