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My vacation has become a time of just doing absolutely nothing constructive. Aside from some odd jobs here and there, it’s really been a complete season of zero achievement. This is something I have to work and improve on for future vacations.

That aside, some things I’ve witnessed at those jobs. I have rethink work ethics. Mine, in particular. I’m probably at a stage of my life where it’s time to shape up or continue living in the doldrums. It’s a terrible thing to have to face up to, I think. But there comes a time when you know you suck at what you’re doing, and you don’t want to suck no more.

It is time to grow up.

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I recently realised that I haven’t done much thinking for some time. The kind of thinking that must be done alone, some place quiet, and with a clear mind.

Recently I also realised that as much as I try, clarity evades me. I try looking for the light, and all I see is grey.

I mentioned on friendster that nowadays, I feel detached from myself. Standing right next to my physical body and observing all that goes on. Maybe my soul and my body are not aligned.

My father said to me during my army days that I’ve changed and he didn’t really know who I was anymore. My first reaction to that was one of stubbornness. Now? Looking back at it, I think I accept what he said. Because I too do not seem to know who I am anymore.

Who am I? What I stand for? What do I want? I used to know, but no longer.

I always remind myself not to be too emo. I think that has made me terribly melancholic.

The confidence that I thought I possessed, I think it is gone. Never been so unsure before.

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Was finally able to catch Xmen yesterday with Sin at Cathay. For a while, the little boy in me stared wide-eyed with awe at all the action going on. I was especially impressed with the scene of Jean Grey aka Phoenix when she destroyed the Professor. But she looked incredibly ugly each time she started exercising her electro-magnetic wave/anti-gravitational powers (read: I failed physics). Maybe it was an attempt to make her look scary or monster-like. Didn’t work. I thought the baptism of fire that a phoenix goes through is supposed to make it more beautiful and stronger. Apparently she wasn’t strong enough to stand against the love of Wolverine. As a side note that I gotta add, Jiali made the amazing observation that Wolverine’s rate of regeneration is greater than the rate of Jean Grey’s ability for destruction. Somehow, there was a math equation involved to that.

Anyway, my disbelief was temporarily suspended during the movie. Therefore, the movie was good enough by my standards. Haha. The whole good triumphs over evil thing.

Results were also released yesterday. I can only say it’s been an up and down semester for me. But overall, I guess I should be satisfied la. At least my cap went up and not down. And I can still go for exchange. That was my major worry.

Currently reading Murakami’s Norwegian Wood. Quite interesting so far and I actually like some parts of it. Will share some in a later post.